A step forward

I was walking home the other day from a friends apartment, and while I was walking I started to focus on my heart. When I would think of my friend I realized that I love them.
Why?
My heart would feel warm and if you like even fuzzy.
A burst of energy surged threw my body.
Basically I felt real good.
It got me thinking.
Maybe just maybe I love a lot more people then I lead myself to believe. Why is that?
Why don't I think I can love a lot of people?
Simple, I don't think I have a lot of love to give.
I know it sounds negative doesn't it?
However, I mean more in a Great love sort of way.
Maybe its the copious amounts of movies I have watched, or my own romantic beating heart, but I have always believed that I would love one woman and give her all my love.
That got me thinking.
IF I believe I will give one person all my love, that must mean I have a beginning and ending to my love?
Then I thought, " But Munish isn't love eternal? If that's the case why can't I love more then one person?"
No I don't mean I am some free loving giving hippy that loves everyone, and everything, but at the same time that's exactly what I mean.
Trust me it's so simple that's its complicated.
So I started to challenge myself and my beliefs in love as I walked down Granville to Broadway.
I started to think about my family and how much I love them, and how nobody can compare to them and then I thought, "Wait am I just saying that because I am afraid?"
Could it be that I love others as much as my Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunties, Uncles etc, or worse love them more?
The answer was Maybe.
Maybe I love Skylar Osborne just as much because she was the only light I had in my life the first Dark days in Vancouver?
Maybe I love Leena Manro as much because like an Angel she saved me from my self torturing ways.
Maybe I love Aideen Zareh as much because he looked a pessimistic, self loathing 15 year old me straight in the eye and said, " Munish be you, and I promise one day you will have everything you need, even if it is to be cool".
Trust me the list started to get longer.
So why do I think I need to love one person the most?
Because I want them to feel special.
Of course this love is that Love story kind of love.
To be honest I have not loved enough women, because my love for Romance has made me believe that When Munish falls in Love and is loved back people will tell stories about it.
LOL
Sounds like a movie, but you all want that. All of us just have a different version of it.
2 I'm being honest. I love two women. I should say loved, but if love is truly everlasting then I still must love them.
Question
If you knew that a person from a previous relationships still loved you, would that make you feel good? Doesn't that tell you that you are worth loving?
Don't jump down the rabbit hole now. I didn't say want you, have sex with you, is missing you or anything else we can get are warped ego to think of.
Only love.
That they have love for you in there heart and that's it. Shouldn't you be happy?
K, back to me.
Why do I or did I think that Loving more then one Woman is so sad?
We all want that Great Love. Yes you do.
You want a man that will fulfill your every need.
You want a woman that is always there for you no matter what
And you want it to be one person.
When I talk to people about past Love I can always feel there heart sink a little because it didn't work out, or they aren't together. Of course being a Empathic person I could feel there pain or disappointment and in some cases both.
So when I jumped on the 99 B-line on Broadway I thought, " Isn't that kind of stupid?"
I should be happy I have loved, and that I will love again. Not throw a small pity party when I think about it.
If I am always getting better so should my capacity to love. So dwelling on Love of the past only stops us from being a better lover in the future.
I know, by the time I got on to Main street I was confused.
Munish what are you trying to tell yourself?
Maybe some of us are meant to Love one companion
Maybe some of us Love one person but will end up being with another person.
Maybe it's good to Love many people. Why can't we have many best friends? Why do we end up going I can't believe I loved you, when things get dark?
Maybe I should stop thinking how my first kiss was with this person or my most romantic moment was with that person.
Maybe I should think of the Many kisses to come, appreciate the ones that have looked me in the eye and said I love you.
Maybe the Great Love that we all search for is actually the culmination of All the love we offer in the world, and if we stopped worrying that we don't have enough love to give, or won't have some one to love us. We will realize we should be the one thing we need in this life.
Love.
Key in the lock. Open the door, and go to bed.
Time to start a new day.
M Sharma